The author is an Electrical Engineer, Photographer and an Orator. Read more about her below
It could be a pure sense of relaxation or an after effect of long drawn thoughts repeatedly emphasized on the portrait of a mother but it directly connects to a sense of being immersed in higher energy, when it comes to the feeling enclosed within the word “Mother”. Accepting it either way, former or latter, the realization of this feeling is “I am home” sort of purity.
Now that we live in a “I judge the best ,that too without even knowing the world!”, it hurts to confess that, we do judge a person harshly and become more blood thirsty when we judge them under a label. For instance even a mother! The whole media, be it internet or newspaper or news channels agree with me and prove my point loudly when I say that a stepmother has always been portrayed as a devilish dirty queen trying to enforce her kingdom to rule as the sole ruler! But is it all to the picture? Are there any chances that this could be only the bitter half story of the reality? To stop here for a moment and actually think about it- is a real necessity. Can there be things hidden on “less thought” thought side? Maybe not all the second mother’s are a KRUELLA THE DEVIL, maybe it’s us thinking from so long that “sauteli maa” is poecilonym for a dementor from Harry Potter! That has made it a firm belief. Maybe A BIG YES!
There are fair chances that things could be far more different from what we have always learnt as an eternal truth. Let us for once dig a little more deep into the subject. Starting from ourselves, the very first impression that we normally get on coming across –“a child has a step mother” – bechara…! In a heartbeat it will be concluded sub/unconsciously. There is no second opinion on the sorrow that is stricken with the word just like the good vibes connected to the word maa. Do we ever happen to give it one closer look before going for shame on the mother and mercy on the kid at first sight?
We, by default, condemn the mother as harsh & the child a victim. We never happen to judge our judgment and blindly call her down for treating the children in inhumane ways. Nobody ever walks an extra mile to see if the kids might be happy? Their time might be hard but they are spending a good life with their step-mother? The stepmother might love the kids more than herself? Ever wondered, the father might be really appreciating the women’s efforts & the step mother might really be trying so hard to heal the wounds of her step children?
It is for always true that every woman develops an incredible and unexplainable relation while the child is in her womb during those 9 months, there can be no two opinions on that fact. However, it is not fair either to set that as a criteria to judge the stepmother. She WILL NOT develop that relation, but it in no way declare that she cannot have any good connection with the kids. It is again an undeniable truth that the unique love received by the women who gave birth to the child can NEVER be delivered by any other POSSIBLE HUMAN/NON HUMAN LIFE but to over and over again bring this point up and then compare the love that the stepmother is giving to her child is inhumane too. No discrepancy for birth giver’s feelings but to stab the person who is trying to provide the kids with all the warmth and affection she can at the moment, with continuous bitter word is harsh and unfair.
Yes, it is the truth that there have been many soul shaking cases with remarried family but in those cases there are strong chances that they were a happy living remarried family. How come do we know that these were not the harsh reactions of people that did not turn the goodness of her heart to cruelty? Should not we think about what are we doing to the lady? Maybe the demonized women we see through media is just the reflection of how was she treated by the ‘chaar log’ even after her immense love and care for the children.
There are possibilities that the cases that turned into stories that cannot be accepted on human ground all started with our outlook towards step mother who was trying hard to keep it all together, but we destroyed her morale. It is not easy for the lady too. To marry a widowed man, to be accepted by him, to love him and get his love back, to heal him, to live the former wife’s memories and customs, to get involved with the children and nourishing them. She feels responsible for every dispute and blames her ownself, all women might be or might not be like this, just like it depends on person to person and likewise is for women too, but there are women who holds themselves responsible for every minute dispute in a remarried family.
It’s not always that the kids are poor and husband is helpless and the woman is devil. There have been cases where the father was a brutal human and the mother saved her step children from the cruelty of the father. There are children who were brought up by a NON-BIOLOGICAL MOTHER, and they never discovered it. There are mothers who raised their step children with whole of the love that could provide them, who give their children time to accept her and do their best to be accepted by them, she does understand their trauma of losing their mother and helps them heal.
Yes, this happens in real, it ain’t any fairy tale! But we are so much filled by media informations that we never think the other way round. Yes, it’s true that there are mothers who sell their step children to people for exploitation but it is also truth that not all are the same, this truth needs to get highlighted time and again so that people start believing that there are such women who sacrifices a lot for their step children too. Not all step mothers throws acid on their children’s private parts, not all step mother quarrel between their children and step children, not all of them are alike.
To accept that majority of step mothers can (cannot) be like “trembling soul with just an eye sight” but for sure there are step mothers who dearly love their kids. Since this is never shown or highlighted in media, so we never come across such things. These women do want to and do their best to accept these kids and make them feel in the best possible manner she can but all these efforts are not highlighted and hence we are all unaware.
The points that are being put forward are not a castle built in air, these words might seem little off the beat because we do not hear them much often about step mother, many thanks to media to define our outlook towards her. The sour cases were always and are always highlighted in media because it is what sells- THE DEMON SIDE. And hence we have always seen such things only, no denying that our mind and information is now controlled by media that we are all time surrounded by be it internet (WhatsApp, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter etc.), newspaper or television broadcast.
Through this article I aim to shift the focus on the other side of the reality. Hopes are that through this article, readers, now, will give it a close second thought before judging stepmothers as an evil of the Cinderella movie!. Not all step mother burn their step children, some of them do heal their deep wounds. She might not be the biological mother, she can never be, but she does her best to sooth them, keep them happy, heal them, support them. We need to change our glasses and make our heart a little more soft and neutral before judging her. I hope this article will change at least one judging eye!
About the author:
Standing up for herself, even if takes standing alone, Neha Sakka is an Indian origin writer succeeding slowly, and steadily at bringing a change to the world with her small actions. Though she is an Electrical Engineer by profession, her photography, and oratory skills gave her a unique multiple perspective which she now utilizes to bring about little relief in the lives of the people, especially females. Claiming herself to be an unchanged female, she aims at using every ounce of her potential to break and stand up against stereotypes in the society and make the world a better place to live. She strongly believes that when every shaking voice unites with other shaking voices – the united one create an explosion of sound.
Reach the author at email@example.com and on her Instagram account @Neha_Sakka
image courtesy: @creating_magic_in_photography (instagram)
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